A Note of Forgiveness and Compassion

Just a few weeks before my divorce hearing, I stood in my kitchen falling apart. I had no idea what to expect in the days to come. I only knew of the pain I had experienced in the days that had passed. 

I picked up my phone and started to compose a letter to myself. I didn’t think about what I was typing. I let the words flow through my fingertips as they came. It wasn’t until I took the time to read what I wrote that it hit me: the words weren’t mine. They didn’t resemble the words I would use to talk about my circumstance or myself. Rather, they were words from the Holy Spirit...reminders that He knew me, knew my trials, and was there beside me. 

If you’re going through a rough patch and are struggling with the concept of forgiveness, read on. May the words that were provided to me also be a comfort to you. If it helps, replace my name with your own and let the words sink in. 

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Dearest Nicole,

You have been fighting against yourself and beating yourself up for years. You are wearing yourself down, stealing the opportunity for you to experience unfettered joy. 

You've made mistakes in the past -- some big and some small. It's time to let go of the pain you felt from the consequences of those mistakes. It's time for you to fully heal and move on from them. 

The reality is that we all make mistakes. Let go of your desire for perfection, as it will only cause you to make grander mistakes over time. God created you perfectly in His image. Rest in that Divine perfection. 

You're still hanging on tightly to the mistake you made while working for Buckeye. Sweet Nicole, you were so lost and hurting so bad because of the condition of your marriage. You asked for a way out twice, only to be held captive against your will. You didn't know what else to do, so you acted out in the hopes that would set you free. In reality, it only created more heartache. But remember, God works all things together for your good in His perfect timing. What appeared to be rock bottom turned out to be the foundation for something so much greater. 

And consider this, sweet Nicole. If not for the mistakes you've made, you wouldn't be where you are today -- physically, emotionally, but above all spiritually. Sure, you lost everything you valued in life -- your job, financial freedom, your first house, friendships, relationships, and respect for yourself...but in the end you gained the greatest of all: the love of Jesus. Now, anything is possible. 

You're still experiencing repercussions of your past mistakes. The relenting heartache will ease up, I promise you that. This is just a season for immense pain. You are being broken to be remade. You are being refined to be more like Him. Continue to lean into God during this time -- He will provide all that you need. 

You are loved more than you know.